


left a clouded mind and heavy heart (but i was sure we could see a new start)

by catstronaut



Series: let me learn from what i have been [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Different Devil Fruit Monkey D. Luffy, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Time Travel Fix-It, Trans Monkey D. Luffy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27187180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catstronaut/pseuds/catstronaut
Summary: [rewrite of begin again]It was over for him, for his nakama, for his future.And then it wasn't.
Relationships: Monkey D. Dragon & Monkey D. Luffy, Monkey D. Luffy & Monkey D. Luffy's Mother, Monkey D. Luffy & Mugiwara Kaizoku | Strawhat Pirates
Series: let me learn from what i have been [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1245233
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	left a clouded mind and heavy heart (but i was sure we could see a new start)

**Author's Note:**

> title from Hopeless Wanderer by Mumford & Sons
> 
> yeehaw here we go  
> the past year has kicked me in the gut over and over and i've finally gotten back to this so i apologize for the wait - the chapters WILL be slow still but that's because i'm a college freshman and life likes to play dirty so. wahoo  
> i am changing quite a few things but it'll still be the same overall!  
> \- DIFFERENT different devil fruit but still related to fire ;)  
> \- better child stuff / longer childhood  
> \- more happy before being chucked into the main angst of the first half  
> \- wait an see !
> 
> anyway hope this doesn't disappoint! let's vibe

Monkey D. Luffy, holy terror of the East Blue first and the Grand Line second.

The most dangerous enemy to the Marines, the one they’d failed to eliminate years earlier at Marineford.

The son of the now _second_ most wanted man to roam the seas.

The brother of the publicly executed Sabo the Revolutionary, the brother of the sacrificed “Fire Fist” Portgas D. Ace.

The closest living ally of the beheaded Red-Haired Shanks.

The disowned grandson of former Vice Admiral Monkey D. Garp.

And, finally, the new king of pirates.

~~xx~~

Trudging onto the shore, his heart weighted by the losses he’s suffered, his dull eyes scanned his surroundings.

No wildlife could be heard as his bloody and battered body found its way onto dying grass. No bugs, no birds, no animals were anywhere in sight. Barren trees dotted the landscape as it rose into a hill, boulders, stones, and gravel in places where the grass didn’t grow. Bloody sea water dripped down his legs as he began his climb, wincing every step of the way, chest heaving with desperate attempts to take in more air.

About halfway to the top, he paused to lean against one of the few trees, taking one last look to the boat that managed to bring him as far as it did.

He could almost hear his crew fantasizing about what they’d find. He could almost hear Nami daydreaming about mounds of gold and treasure, could almost see her racing to the top in order to see if her dreams had come true. He could almost see Zoro saying how he doubted that it would be anything interesting, but could almost see how his eyes betrayed his hopes for the finest booze he’d ever lay his hands on. 

He could almost see Chopper and Usopp dreaming, dreaming of all the impossible (would they really be so impossible after everything they’d seen, everything they’d done?) things that may be laying in wait for them, and how they’d drag Franky into their senseless imaginations, how Robin would be silently hoping for knowledge, how Jinbe and Brook would be enjoying everyone’s excitement as they had everything they could ever wish for before them.

Snapping back to the present, he peeled himself off the rough bark of the tree, infected and unhealed wounds covered in torn, soaked and salty bandages screaming in protest as he continued his trek. He had to make it. He had to finish.

If he didn’t reach it, they would all have died in vain. They would all have been killed for no reason other than to support a dumb kid’s impossible dreams. They would have suffered for no reason.

Feeling tears begin to prick his eyes, he closed them, only to see the image of Ace, dead, blood spilling from him in a way no person should be able to. He opened them back up much more quickly than he’d wanted, as the tear tracing his sunburnt cheek was more evidence of it than he wanted.

He hadn’t given himself the time to grieve for his family. He hadn’t been given it by others, either. But now that he’s alone, it truly is sinking in that he’s alone. He’s completely and utterly alone.

There really wasn’t any reason to continue on other than to make sure that he could finish his crew’s journey for them.

As another tear fell, the sky began to weep with him, barely containing sobs wracking his body and he dropped to his knees at the top of the slope, jagged rocks cutting into his already wrecked hands and knees.

Finding himself gazing over into a steep-sided crater, his tears mixed with rainwater while his eyes focused in on a glittering _something_ within the center.

Unlike the curiosity he’d usually feel, all that he felt was a raging numbness and grief for those who died for him, for him to get to this point, and all for what? A stupid, dumb, glittering piece of _shit_?

As his anger towards no one in particular began to grow, the winds picked up, gracelessly knocking him into the crater. Mud began to cover every inch of him, and gravel entered and reopened wounds that he’d messily _‘fixed’_ himself. Friction ripped away the first layer of his skin, exposing tender patches that gently drew blood.

By the time he’d reached the bottom, face to the sky, he wanted nothing more than to join his friends, his family, everyone that he’d lost. He was fairly certain that several ribs had gotten cracked, and sharp pains radiated from his lower left leg, not to mention the agony he felt from the wounds he’d had before this shit-show.

The rain began pouring even heavier, and thunder roared in the distance as he shakily raised his hands before his face, dried blood caked under his fingernails and bloody scrapes and cuts that had been ripped into his calloused skin.

Bringing them to cover his eyes, he let out a heart-wrenching scream and finally let loose the sobs that he’d been holding in. He screamed into the open air, cursing the gods that he wasn’t sure he’d ever truly believed in, cursing them for taking away the only people he’d truly cared for without any sense of mercy. For not even allowing them to have peaceful deaths.

With his voice growing hoarse, he sobbed for them to let him wake up from this god-awful nightmare, for them to have pity upon him so he could wake up and take him back to before he had so many regrets, to take him back to when he could have saved everyone the pain that he’d caused.

All of a sudden, light filled his vision, and he felt the distinctive heat of lightning strike right next to him. It left him blinded for a few moments, peeling his hands from his face and trying to blink away tears and the spots that rippled through his vision. 

When he realized that light still remained, he turned over, and saw golden crystals jutting from the rocky, muddy ground, sparking in every color he’d ever seen. A gentle glow emanated from them; it was almost as if it were beckoning him forwards.

All in all, it was absolutely mesmerizing.

And so, with nothing left to lose, he pulled himself up and dragged his body to it, tears streaming down his face as he laid shaky, bleeding hands onto the pure surface, wincing as a vibration ran through him before dimming to a welcoming hum.

Laying his forehead upon the largest, he sobbed, fists tightening as a gentle voice drifted around him, asking him what he wanted most out of everything this world could offer. Hot tears hit the blessing from nature, and he could only whisper like a child sharing their deepest secret, body shaking with the force of his sobs.

“Please, just let me start over.”

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on my insta @supurrnovae or whatever babes/dudes/friends


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